I Think I Finally Got It

All this time, I think I was looking at it the wrong way. But really, I was just being egocentric. I never looked at it for what it really meant until now.

I didn't like social documentaries before. It was because everytime I watched one, I feel so depressed, so angry, and sad all at the same time. But most of all, I felt helpless and weak. Helpless because no matter how much I wanted things to change, it won't, and nothing that this kid can do would change much of anything. Weak because I'm living a happy life with all my needs are provided for. Yet just by living like this, I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm living a pompous life, flaunting to the majority that I have everything I need to live while they have so little. But I don't have much to give myself (I don't like asking my parents for money, so all of my books, notebooks, and other school supplies are bought using the allowances I saved). I'm not in much of a position to help.

But something in me triggered last Thrusday. I forgot how exactly, but I just realized that the way I viewed it was very egocentric. Documentaries aren't shown so people can feel bad about themselves or think that they're horrible persons. It's made and shown for the people in it, to expose them to the world, to make people notice them and their problems. I was viewing it negatively. It was very disturbing to me, but not much in the way I thought. It was like a reminder, that despite that I can't do much of anything now, eventually I can. And when I do reach that point, documentaries like this remind me that "Alright, when you were a kid, you wanted to help but can't do much. Now you can, will you?". I'll remember them more if they sting my heart. Sure I'll still get depressed watching films like this, but I won't view it so much as an attack on my lifestyle, because I shouldn't feel so guilty that I'm living a happy life. After all, that's exactly the same thing I want for them.