Are You Honestly Giving Us Another Chance?

A couple of months ago there was this new idea that came to our school. It's called an "Honesty Store". Basically, it's like an open vending machine. The goodies are displayed in shelves out in the open, and there's a cash box at the bottom of the shelves. The idea is that it is up to the customer's honesty to pay the right amount of money he/she owes. There's no guard, no shop keeper, no person watching the store.

At first, I was like "Oh cool! That's a great idea!" and was gung ho in supporting this new project (proceeds go to a charity institute). But after only a month or two, they took the honesty store away. In it's wake was posters posted everywhere in school saying:

The Honesty Store Stats

(96,036.00)
is how much money we should have collected

(76,089.20)
is how much money we received

(20,946.80)
is how much money we're missing

Are we HONESTLY going to let this go?

I was very much disgusted at this. I mean, it's bad enough to steal things and breaking the trust given to you, but how low can you be to steal FROM A CHARITY FUND? This institute trusted the student's morals and discretion. They believed in the students and what do they get? They lost money out of it. Worse, some of my friends were actually bragging about how much they "stole" from the Honesty Store. I was sad at seeing it gone but I guess it was for the best.


But Just a few weeks ago, it came back. Honesty Store came back to our school, but this time with two branches. I was very much shocked at this. After all the money they lost, how could they trust us again? Why would they even do this when it is certain that the same thing would happen all over again?

There was even this note attached to the store, apologizing for the posters they posted regarding how much money they lost the first time. They say they didn't put it out of spite, and that they we're still eager to promote honesty through this project. Uhkay......I dunno if they just crossed the line from kind to naive, but I simply cannot understand what motivated them to redo this, with renewed enthusiasm. Seriously, if it was me, I wouldn't even apologize about the posters. What they said was the truth, they should sugar-coat the harsh reality. The students DID take without paying, so they have every right to show how much they lost. They shouldn't be sorry for whatever it may imply.

But ranting won't change much. I just hope that the students would show more honesty this time.

I Think I Finally Got It

All this time, I think I was looking at it the wrong way. But really, I was just being egocentric. I never looked at it for what it really meant until now.

I didn't like social documentaries before. It was because everytime I watched one, I feel so depressed, so angry, and sad all at the same time. But most of all, I felt helpless and weak. Helpless because no matter how much I wanted things to change, it won't, and nothing that this kid can do would change much of anything. Weak because I'm living a happy life with all my needs are provided for. Yet just by living like this, I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm living a pompous life, flaunting to the majority that I have everything I need to live while they have so little. But I don't have much to give myself (I don't like asking my parents for money, so all of my books, notebooks, and other school supplies are bought using the allowances I saved). I'm not in much of a position to help.

But something in me triggered last Thrusday. I forgot how exactly, but I just realized that the way I viewed it was very egocentric. Documentaries aren't shown so people can feel bad about themselves or think that they're horrible persons. It's made and shown for the people in it, to expose them to the world, to make people notice them and their problems. I was viewing it negatively. It was very disturbing to me, but not much in the way I thought. It was like a reminder, that despite that I can't do much of anything now, eventually I can. And when I do reach that point, documentaries like this remind me that "Alright, when you were a kid, you wanted to help but can't do much. Now you can, will you?". I'll remember them more if they sting my heart. Sure I'll still get depressed watching films like this, but I won't view it so much as an attack on my lifestyle, because I shouldn't feel so guilty that I'm living a happy life. After all, that's exactly the same thing I want for them.

The Hell with Drivers Today?!

The concert at Miriam College ended at about 7pm. I didn't mind going home that late since I always go home around that time because of school anyway. I waited at least 40 minutes for a jeep to come by. Every jeep that passed me was always full. I didn't mind waiting under the rain, I got used to that too. But eventually one came by with some seats left. Hooray for me, right? As if. If I only knew....

This jeepney driver is the reason why I hate driving. The moment I got on, he went like 0 to 50 in 2 seconds. This was along Aurora going to Riverbanks so the street was crowded with bumper to bumper traffic. But this idiot didn't care! He swerved between lanes overtaking every car he sees. Everyone was already being pushed to the back of the vehicle due to the force (jeepney = no back door = I could've died there). But what can I do? It's not exactly like I can just pick another available jeepney. So I stuck with this one. Bad choice.

We we're in a dimly lit residential area. But this moron wouldn't even slow down. IT'S A FREAKING 2-way one-lane RESIDENTIAL AREA! But he didn't care. Not even as we approached a school zone. A SCHOOL ZONE FOR GOD'S SAKE!! Innocent children waiting for a ride could've been killed with your 60kph driving ON A TWO-WAY ONE-LANE HARDLY LIT FREAKIN' SCHOOL ZONE!! The moron even had the gall to overtake a private car going about 30kph (safe speed) and yell "PU**NG I*A MO, G**O KA!! (Translation: Son of a b***h, f**ktard)" at the car, in front of the kids waiting at the sidewalk, and in front of the children riding at the back. Oh, and he doesn't even slow down on curves, so we felt like the jeep was gonna turn over at every curve because of the centrifugal force. Look bastard, I know that life is hard and all, but how the hell did you even pass for a professional drivers license if you can't even respect other drivers NOR care for the lives of pedestrians?! The hell with you! You're responsible for the lives of your riders, pedestrians, and fellow drivers on the road, but the only thing you care about is going fast, hitting the brakes, swerving real close, and going in and out of traffic just to get more lives to endanger!

Oh but it didn't stop there. Oh no. Eventually, I got to my stop. I signaled the driver that I was getting off. No surprise that he pulled a Power Break (50~ish to 0 in 2 seconds) on me. So whee~ Stumble off the jeep I go. But this is the best part. As I was walking near the front of the jeep, THE RETARD DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HIS HEADLIGHTS ON! NO VISIBILITY WHATSOEVER! NADA! ZILCH! NO S#!T! He was driving in a dimly lit school zone/residential area AT NIGHT in super fast speeds in a very VERY narrow road WITH NO F**KING HEADLIGHTS!! GOOD GOD why the hell did they ever let you on the streets!?

And lo and behold, he drove away so fast that I didn't even had time to write down the plate number. What a dumbass....

My First Classical Concert

Miriam College hosted a free concert tonight. It was entitled "Payapang Daigdig (Peacful World): A Christmas Journey from Around the World". As from the title, you can plainly tell that it's just a series of Christmas Carols taken from different parts of the world. Normally I wouldn't be interested in this. But one of my friends was playing the violin in one of the songs and my other friends plan to support her. And the admission was free, so why not?

It was very interesting really. It was my first time to hear Christmas songs from parts of the world that I thought doesn't celebrate Christmas (It being a Christian Holiday and all), such as the African Nowell, or the Chinese version of Silent Night, or even Antarctica's Let It Snow (Ironic isn't it?). The choirs were really good. From the elementary school choirs, to the Miriam College Employee Chorale. They were good, but nothing too extraordinary to talk about.

The 13th song was a Christmas Medley. I looked onto the stage and I saw my friend as she entered the stage. Then I saw her bandmates, carrying their own violins, oboe, trumpets, and cellos. Then I saw adults coming in and sitting next to her. I was surprised because I thought that my friend just belonged to the school's choir. But when I looked at the programme they gave us as we entered the Auditorium, it reads "by the Merto Manila Community Orchestra". I was like HOLY S#!T! These are like pro musicians! And she was going to play with them!? I looked at my friends sitting next to me and they were shocked too.

But as we were just getting over that, the music begins. It was the very first time I experienced a live orchestra play on stage. Even if the music wasn't classical, I can understand why some people like the classics (which were before, extremely boring for me). The brass plays with such strength and force! It's like the sound resonates through my entire body filling me with energy, so much that I could just burst at anytime. The winds balanced it out with it's soothing melody. Its so mild and serene that it calmed the sensations within me. The strings were so versatile. It made me experience a wide variety of contrasting emotions that I couldn't even find the words to explain them. The violins made me excited and mellow, while the cellos struck the balance between the brass and the winds. The percussion kept everything in check, harmonizing the sounds fighting to be the dominant emotion. It was really amazing~ It really awakened the classic within me.

It was the perfect night, until...........

Maybe there's hope for me yet

As a requirement for our Theology class, we we're assigned to plan and implement a social enterprise for our chosen community. Now, I wasn't big on the idea. Not because I don't want to help or I'm just being lazy, but it's because I felt that it was useless. I mean, everything we could do just seem so insignificant.

Graduating from a Catholic elementary and high school, and now a Jesuit College, I was always shown depressing documentaries about how the country is ridden with poverty, violence, hunger, deprivation, and corruption. And the speakers would always say that "You have to do something about it" (maybe not always outright state it, but very strongly implies it). They may not realize it (or maybe they do), but its putting a heavy burden into the mind of a young idealistic child. It's like shoving the load of the world into my shoulders, like I'm expected to solve the problems of society. But reality will always bite the butt of the idealistic youth. Even if I DO do something, someone or something out there will always screw you up in the end. There will always be barriers and obstacles that will seem impossible to overcome. That's why I was so pessimistic about this project. Because in the end, I know it won't change much, if anything at all.

That was my way of thinking, until I saw this short promotional video about a social enterprise called "Hapinoy". Basically, it's an organization for Sari-sari store owners. It acts as a mediator between the owners ("Nanays") and the big companies (like Smart Communications, Unilever, Rebisco, etc...) so the Nanays could get more merchandise for lower prices, offers business training, as well as help improve the establishments of the Nanays (bigger stores, advertisement, etc...). It's considered a successful enterprise, but what it really struck me the most is that it's not so idealistic that it's actually doable. It addresses poverty but doesn't seek to eliminate it in all aspects. It just focuses one specific target (the sari-sari store owners) and accepts that even though they aim to address poverty, it cannot and will not concern itself with its other aspects (street children for example). Another thing is that it doesn't have that idealistic "I want to change the world out of the goodness of my heart" drive (which makes you feel bad if you don't think the same way, as those documentaries/speakers always imply), but it sees itself as a business, and aims to make profit out of it. I always get this vibe from the documentaries/speakers that "You should be ashamed that you live a good life", or "Enriching yourself is a selfish act", like money for the well off is intristically evil. But Hapinoy aims to make money for itself, so it's not so "up there" that it's unreachable and impractical.

I can already sense my pessimism and apathy decreasing. Maybe there's hope for me yet.

Is he really a politician?

Truth be told, I never liked politics. Actually, I really hate anything to do with it. Isn't it that Politics is suppose to tackle how a government should be run? But all I'm hearing about Politics is "Who's hot and who's not?", or "Mr. X is involved in a scandal", or the one that I hate the most, "Politician A is accusing Politician B or whatever". Politics now is more of the "who" than the "how or why". It's not so focused on "How much money should be allocated for this project?", and instead on "who will get this money?". It's just like those nonsense showbiz talks (No offense to those who actually like showbiz). Nothing more than a fleeting scandal and a popularity contest.

That's why I have this bias against all politicians. And this is why I still can't believe that Jesse Robredo is a politician himself.

We've watched a short film about him last Tuesday. He's the mayor of Naga City for 5 terms. And in that course, transformed Naga City into the ideal city of commerce and excellence. He's won numerous awards both National and International, including the coveted "The Outstanding Young Men of the Philippines", and the "Ramon Magsaysay Award" in 2000. I've never heard of the guy before (because I hate politics) but this one got me interested. So I browsed the internet and found numerous blogs and news articles all expressing admiration and support for this guy. I heard from the film that his projects were impressive, but only when I read this article that I realized how truly great his works are.

He's not the politician I stereotyped in my mind. He hates lavish spendings, lives in a modest house, is not hesitant to let the people have power over the government, and is even concerned with the most minute details like a busted street lamp. If more leaders were like him, then maybe there's hope for this bleak world yet.

But of course, even he's not immune to the mud-slinging involved in politics. Despite that he's one of the best leaders Naga ever had, there are still people out there that wants him removed, most likely because he's a member of the opposition. Most of the 70 or so cases filed against him were dismissed though. And I've read some of the reasons why he was charged; that he wasn't a Filipino, that he was establishing a political dynasty, and the ever popular corruption charges. It's pretty frivolous I'll say, because even if those charges were true, Jesse Robredo gets the job done better than those other politicians. Actually, scratch that. He gets a LOT of job done and the people would actually feel the results. His close ties and total transparency with the locals is something that other politicians can never copy.

Spaced Out

Recently, I find myself spacing out. A lot. Sometimes it happens during class, sometimes after texting someone, sometimes in the bathroom, and just recently, during dinner. I don’t know how that one started. My dad said I was staring blankly at the wall for at least 5 minutes. But I do remember that everytime this happens, I was thinking deeply about something. Though most of the time when I snap out of it, I forget what I was just thinking about. I guess I’m just easily distracted, because this happens even when I’m having fun, or talking to someone (yeah, that happened. We we’re talking about something and I stopped mid-speech).

Anyway, on my last episode, I remember that I was thinking about my dog, Nuri. I guess I’m an overly-doting owner, since I really love him, even if he’s scared of just about everything (so he fails as a “bantay”). Just last week, I skimped on lunch and commuting money (I walked about 2km uphill from the jeep stop to my house) to save up for a flea collar and medicated shampoo for Nuri. Over the few weeks, Nuri’s been itching like mad. Some might say that it’s typical for a dog to be like that, but I got really worried when he started scratching so hard he got wounds on his ears. And it wouldn’t heal because Nuri kept scratching the scabs. I thought about de-clawing him, but aside from the ethical issues of that, Nuri’s an outdoor dog and de-clawing him is not a good idea. It got so bad though, that Nuri started losing his fur on his ears. I wanted to ask my dad for money so I could bring Nuri to a vet. But he said that I shouldn’t worry too much and that Nuri will be fine. I didn’t ask again because as much as possible, I don’t like asking for money. It’s somewhat embarrassing; especially asking from my dad, even though he gives me whenever I ask him like it was no big deal. He trusts me that much I guess). Anyway, I don’t get allowances during the sem break, so I gathered all the money I saved up before the break and whatever I could save up on the 1st week of classes, and went to that pet clinic in Katipunan next to Mercury Drug and got Nuri a flea collar and an itch shampoo. It cost at least P400, but it’s okay. I’m happy to say that it’s working. The wounds on his ears have healed up nicely and the fur is growing back.

I still want to have a vet check up on Nuri though. But I have to save up more money first. No, I’m not gonna ask my dad for money.

Here’s a picture of my beloved Nuri. He’s an “askal” that was born in our house while it was still under construction (his mother got adopted by our neighbor).

Pedro Pobre

So we watched this documentary yesterday about the lives of our poor kababayan and their daily struggles just to live. I could say that it was an eye-opening experience, that I was fortunate to catch a glimpse of the reality of what daily living is like for them, or that this awakened in me a desire to help my fellow countrymen and such. But in all honesty, it hasn't.

The truth is, I really don't like these types of documentaries. First of all, there's no sign of empathy from the host. Actually, his tone of voice sounds more like he's jeering at them. He has this....explosive tone of voice, which I though was inappropriate for the situation. I really prefer the Jessica Soho-type of documentaries. Next, when someone is forcing me to watch it (meaning I didn't decided for myself to watch it), the whole thing feels like a slap to the face. My love for my country and my fellow countrymen didn't change really. All it did was it made me feel like crap, because the message I'm getting is "Millions of Filipinos live like this while you live with all your needs provided. You have no right to be happy while a lot of Filipinos are suffering". I may never know if this was really the case, but even if it was, what the hell can I do? I'm just a kid who can't do much of anything. Heck! I can't even drive! People might say that I may not be able to do much right now except to know and understand, but in the future I might. That may be so, but until then, I'll feel like crap thank you.

Third, my father grew up in the backwater town of St. Bernard, Southern Leyte. We used to take family visits there every year (we stopped when I entered college, because since then summer classes came to my life), so I know what it's really like in the province. I've known ever since I was a kid. How he hiked through mud and cross rivers just to get to school, how my grandparents worked so hard to feed their family of 8 children, how my dad and his siblings had to work in the farms, and how sometimes they just have tuyo and rice for dinner. I know all that and I revisit it every year (last visit was this past sembreak). But my dad always told me, that his family wasn't exactly fortunate, but they worked hard and never gave up. They always strive to be better and that's how he was able to save enough money to study in Cebu and become a lawyer. He told me stories about him when I was still a small kid, so I've always carried this notion that hard work will always prevail. And even he said that those who are suffering and in poverty, in some way it is their fault that they're in that situation. It might sound cold and harsh, but I actually agree with him.

As a person, my heart does go out to those people. But right now, there's not much I can do.